Forget Everything And What It Means To Me
by butimbroken
Summary: Buffy/Angel. Angel wishes that he could save his best friend from herself. Story Two, companion to 'Small Talk With Mister Moon.' AU. COMPLETE.


**Nothing Belongs To Me. **

_**What's Wrong With Me, I Hear Her Say  
**_

Buffy was back again tonight, on who-knew-what. Whatever it was though, she was not taking it well. Her body was rebelling against the substance and her mind seemed to be in a close-to-panic mode.

She was outwardly hating herself, more than usual. Scared and talking too fast, questioning him about things he had no answers to.

_**Forget Everything, And What It Means To Me**_

The more she went on, the more afraid he felt for her. Sadden, sorry for her. He did his best to keep a straight face on for her though, knowing anything else and she'd be out that door. And with her like this he knew that couldn't happen.

Angel took a tentative step closer to her, then another and another. She was shaking. He knelt down slowly beside her, one hand coming up to gently stroke her greasy hair.

She remained frozen, or at least as frozen as she could get, for a long time... then suddenly she leaned against him, cuddling close, stopping his breath.

_**I'm Not Alive, That's What She Means**_

Sometimes Buffy had these moments of clarity hit her like a freight train. They'd be about this, about that... tonight it seemed she was realizing how fucked up she'd let her life get.

She rambled on, her words in a rush, hardly making any sense. She shook, she cried, she was close to sick.

Then, suddenly her tiny hands clutched the front of his shirt. Again, he stilled, stopped breathing. A few seconds later, she was pulling him down to her, crushing her cold lips to his own.

**_I Hate To Disappoint, But I Only Need Some Room To Breathe_**

Angel closed his eyes, let himself enjoy this, for just a moment. Then his good sense came back to him and he reluctantly broke the kiss.

He was worried about her reaction, knew how well these things had gone in the past, but he knew he couldn't let them step across that line. Not like this.

Cautiously, he began scooting away from her, giving them space. Praying she wouldn't just run out of here again.

_**What's Wrong With Me, What's Wrong With You**_

A wave of emotions crossed over the girl's ashed face. Hurt, disappointment, disgust with herself, anger.

She began yelling at him, tears streaking down her face, asking him why he couldn't just love her, make everything go away.

**_You Can Have It All, If It Serves You Well_**

He let her rage, sat and listened to her until she was no longer able to speak, the tears choking her up. His own were falling silently down his face.

Angel's hand stopped mid-way in the air, unconsciously reaching back out to her. He let it drop quickly, settling in his lap, his eyes following.

The two sat in silent for a moment, then, with his own husky voice, he quietly began to explain his side of this. He didn't know if this was the best way to go, especially not right now, but it'd been inside of him for too long and needed to be let out.

_**I'm Wide Awake, I Was Dead Before Today**_

At his confession of undying love for her, Buffy cried harder. She swallowed loudly, reached for his hand. Her pleading eyes met his as she explain her own feelings, begging him for a chance to let something happen here. For both of them.

_**If You Make It Through Tomorrow, See It Works Both Ways**_  
_**I Will Not Try To Apologize, For What I Know Is Right**_

Letting out a shaky breath, he held her hand tighter, brought it up to his lips and kissed her gently. His voice remained soft, threatening to crack, as he told her this wasn't the time. That she needed to fix herself before anything could happen for them. That it just wouldn't be right.

_**Another Chance, Wrapped Up Again**_

She didn't want to hear it, though.

Buffy's anger returned, she tore her hand from him and all but threw herself backward, away from him.

Again, the yelling came. She pointed a finger at him, reminding him of the last time she'd thrown herself at him, giving him a chance.

Him turning it down.

_**Just Give It Time, Time's All We Have**_

He listened, let her finish before daring to speak. He was shaking now himself, knowing how all of this was more-than-likely going to play out. Knowing he was losing her all over again. Maybe for good.

He begged her to listen to him, repeating his stance on this issue, repeating his feelings for her, how much she meant to him, how bad he wanted her, them.

**_It's So Easy, To Be Near Me_**  
**_When All I've Said Gets Lost Between_**

She stood up and he did too, making her jump, her eyes glare. He knew it wasn't the best move but it was too late for that.

He had a bit of edge creeping in his voice the more he talked. If this was going to be his last chance then he began to wonder what was the point in holding back?

He returned to the subject of them, the past, bringing up more than she had. All they'd never talked about before. What he'd always turned his head away from. The drugs, the men, their relationship. How she only came around when she needed to use him, just like she used everything else. How nothing he's ever said or done ever mattered.

_**No, I Don't Know What You Mean**_

She shook her head, stepping backwards some more. She didn't want to hear this.

He didn't care anymore.

_**It's So Easy, To Believe Me**_

He dared closer to her, never stopping with the words just pouring out his mouth. He switched from the situation they were in right now, to the past, to the darkness, to the light which was them, to them, to all they could be, to promises of help, of love.

_**Maybe I Shouldn't, Yes I Can**_

She fought it, but he saw that dim flash of hope fighting in her eyes.

He pressed on.

There was only two ways this could go.

_**You Know Exactly Who I Am**_

It seemed the one he wanted wasn't going to win.

She had a high, and it quickly turned into a low. Just like that. It began to fall.

_**I Shouldn't Fake This, This Thing I've Mistake For Love**_

She came back with a vengeance, hitting him with everything she had left.

Buffy cleared the space between them, used what was left of her strength to push against his chest as hard as she could with both her hands. It seemed to work well enough, his tired body stumbling from the contact, falling hard back down to the ground.

She used every blow in the book on him, standing there, yelling. Shredding anything and everything that ever stood between them.

_**And I Need To Set Her Free**_  
_**Let Her Walk Away, And Leave, With The Best Part Of Me**_

His eyes closed as the door slammed. She was gone. He didn't doubt for one second that this time she would be gone for good.

He wanted to go after her, but he knew it would do no good. Not now. Not ever.

It was too late.

Letting her go was the best thing he could do for her now. Anything else would just damage her more.

Angel guessed he always knew this day would come, this revelation about the two of them would come, hit him like this. Living it though, facing it... that was a whole new experience.

_**Call It Something That She Needs To Be**_  
_**Call It Something That She Needs To Find In Me **_


End file.
